The Psychic-Types
UNDER CONSTRUCTION*** About The Psychic-Types are a Level 2 team created on August 6, 2009 that have played 5 seasons of MetroHO. They have a history of inferiority, either having a terrible regular season and unsurprising playoffs or a great regular season combined with a horrific playoff meltdown. The latter was certainly the case in their fourth season, which ironically propelled them to Level 2. Season 1: The Forgettable Year A few games were played. Then forfeited. Then the rest were auto-simmed. Morris Tranter was drafted. That is all. Here there be dragons. Seasons 2 & 3: The Misery Continues GM Captain Falcon took over after the Psychic-Types' long hiatus after their first season, and promised changes right away. Since the young, upcoming team lacked exciting players, Captain Falcon went out and signed two overpaid veteran free agents: Sniper Niklas Wikle and Stay-at-Home Defenseman Don Holmgren. However, the largest newcomer to the lineup was studly Two-Way Forward Morris Tranter, whose skill was described as, "fucking orgasmic," by scout Taj Khobel, "The third coming of Jesus Christ," by young Neo-Nazi Defenseman Walker Ausland, and, "totally arousing," by a random, balding, middle-aged fan who claims to go to the games to, "jerk off." Tranter was cheated out of the Phenom Trophy in his rookie season because I say so; in this season, he put up 42 points. Season 3 was another mediocre season, with some bright spots and some rage-inducing spots. Rivalries developed between the Psychic-Types and other teams, including The Phoneix Coyotes and The St. John's Capitals. Surprisingly, this season saw the first playoff series victory, a 2-1 series win in a best-of-three series over the Phoneix Coyotes. The draft in this season proved to be rather productive, introducing players Daniel McDonald and Dee Eckes. The Psychic-Types seemed to develop a curse during this season, this curse making them unable to win when a fat Asian man and a legally blind Indian (teepee, not tech support) man are attending their games. Season 4: Domination Before Crushing Defeat After the departure of Wikle, Captain Falcon replaced the 96 overall Sniper with lower-rated 90 overall Sniper Santo Gramc. Gramc didn't disappoint, instantly clicking on the first line with young guns Phillip Fiorino and Morris Tranter en route to producing 48 goals and 53 assists for 103 points and earning the 2nd degree Silver Sniper award. In a much larger 15-team Level 1 league, the Psychic-Types played well throughout the season, achieving a team record 16-game winning streak early in the season, and eventually finishing in 2nd place in the league. In their first-round matchup, the Psychic-Types faced off against their familiar foes, the St. John's Capitals. With their first three games at home, the Psychic-Types cruised to a 3-0 series lead. However, there were storm clouds on the horizon. The Psychic-Types would proceed to lose Games 4, 5, and 6 on the road, before forgetting how to play defense in a heartbreaking, infuriating 9-7 Game 7 loss at home. Barsukov was predictably the scapegoat, and was immediately released from the team. There were, however, some positives, as GM Captain Falcon found several gems in the draft, including now-rated 87 overall Playmaker Tomas Casados in the 13th overall slot and now-rated 72 overall Power Forward Patrik Milley in the late third round, in addition to the Psychic-Types advancing to Level 2. Season 5: Weathering the Storm The Psychic-Types decided to join the All-Level, 15-team league known as ECL5 for their fifth season. Few changes were made to the team, as only fourth-liner Matthew Stefan and token 94-overall Goalie Lane Overstreet, whose name is totally badass, were signed for this dreary campaign. Tomas Casados was thought of to be the player to watch for this season, and he was, as he led rookies in scoring around halfway through the season until he completely went the way of Joe Thornton in the playoffs during the second half of this season. The season turned out to be completely forgettable, as the Psychic-Types got completely raped by the better teams, mainly a bunch of Armadillos, Hentai, Knights, and shit, and finished in 12th place. However, a trade was made before the deadline that sent the 4th overall pick and a 2nd round pick to The Blazing Bears in return for the 2nd overall pick and 3rd round pick. Unfortunately, this turned out to a terrible move, as the Stay-at-Home Defenseman that was drafted, Mikhail McGee, turned out to only be a 72 as several players drafted afterwards had ratings of 80+. There were even multiple other defensemen drafted after him who had ratings of the aforementioned caliber. McGee is rumored to have a guillotine waiting for him if he does not pan out. Arnold Barsukov Barsukov was the Psychic-Types starting goalie from their first game until the end of their fourth season, in which the second-seeded Psychic-Types lost in the playoffs in the first round. Because of that first-round series, experts have come to the conclusion that Barsukov is a worthless, bed-shitting, choking, cocksucking fucknugget. The enigmatic Russian's whereabouts are currently unknown, but he was reportedly seen on a plane heading towards two large towers after the team bought out his contract. Barsukov is a worthless turd who, after choking away the aforementioned first-round series in which the Psychic-Types held a 3-0 lead, inspired fans to either convert any remaining Arnold Barsukov jerseys into toilet paper, kitty litter, fireplace fodder, or any other material that is worth more than him. Rivals Star Players Current Team Roster The table below shows the current roster of The Psychic-Types: 'Psychic-Types All-Time Scoring Leaders' These are the top-five point-scorers in franchise history. Figures are updated after each completed MetroHo regular season. Note: GP=Games Played, G=Goals, A=Assists, PTS=Points, *=currently on The Psychic-Types 'Staff' The Psychic-Types current coaching staff.